That's Not Enough Pizza

So I watch movies every now and again, that's no secret. In my single, loner (ie alone), living in the middle of nowhere days I was able to put down a movie every night during the week, and sometimes a few more during the weekend. Even before my poor ass was able to get internet, and therefore Netflix, I was able to get my fix for free from the local library (still do too, libraries are awesome!). So yeah, I've watched a few movies in my day; some good, some bad, some funny, some sad. Now that I enjoy an existence with live people to talk to and a reasonable bed time I'm limited to usually one movie a week, or maybe 2 if its the right weekend. I'm basically starving! Don't get me wrong, having a social life and a smoking hot honey make it almost bearable (ha!), but the love for cinema has not faded. I'm even reading a book by an actor right now for christ sakes. (And its awesome! Ron Perlman's book; I'm almost done so you'll get a review soon). Any who, my youngest sister shares this love for the theater (real theater too, she's quite the thespian and singer) and we will sometimes have conversations that are seemingly only quotes from movies and/or sprinkled with some key show lines. It is quite literally like those xfinity commercials where it just sounds like garbled words stringed together, only interrupted by my boisterous laugh or her hyena whistling cackle (we've been told we have notable and infectious laughs #truth). These conversations are sometimes via text as well; it gets a little out of control. So even though I watch a few less movies than before, apparently I still watch more than the average social being (I'm still dubious). My sister texted me the other day that she was confused about something in Inside Man. Its a thriller crime drama with a twisty plot, but it doesn't leave many loose ends so my sister's statement had me first scoffing, and then intrigued. I know shes seen it before, probably many times like I have (you don't watch movies more than once? How do you live? Do you only ever have steak once and then move on? Whatev, you're lost). I was ready to defend Inside Man, possibly even have to reiterate a certain scene line by line and cut by cut. Then I got her follow up text and I basically died.

Shittay. Shittay indeed. At least I know my sister has her priorities straight. Whenever there's a murder mystery, crime drama, hostage situation, or comedy of error whodunit, the real question is 'Is there enough pizza?'. Really, is there any other question? Is there?
Last weekend the question was 'how high?' as my buddy's son Jack was putting his new dual stomp rocket launcher to good use.

I was told the rocket colors need to match the launch pad. Jack knows best.

Not ever high enough is the answer from child and adult alike.

Then the question was 'what does one drink while playing HeroQuest?'.

Chaos Warriors ready for battle

Just a few guys reliving 1985

Code Red and Monster were two easy answers, but who knew a great Manhattan also made the list? Me, that's who. Cuz I'm a goddamn gamer, AND I like to party.
The question for you is 'what's goin on with the Vehicross?'.

Ready for some nip/tuck

Questions, questions, questions. Meaning of life? Did Padme die of a broken heart? Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Does anyone care as long as its made into pizza sauce? Is there enough pizza? Is there?! Well that one I can answer: Of course not. There's never enough pizza. When there's more than you can eat, then you eat some more. If there's still more then it becomes leftover pizza, which is second ONLY to original pizza. Is there ever enough pizza? No. No there's not. Now go get yourself some pizza; I have a feeling Luce or Lake Harriet will be hearing from me shortly. Take 'er easy.

No thanks Turkish, I'm sweet enough

First of all, people are fucking dangerous. Some things like guns, vehicles, and words have the potential to be dangerous, but its the ones who wield them that have the true power. Reminds me of that scene in Don't Be a Menace to South Central while Drinking your Juice in the Hood when Ashtray is talking to this little kid.
Ashtray: Having a gun doesn't give you any power. You wanna know where the real power is?

Kid: In the bullets!

He tells him his mind is real power, but whatever. I'm talking about people being dangerous with their cars; something we deal with every time we merge onto the highway, turn into a grocery store parking lot, or decide to walk across an intersection. You know these people; you see them every day. The person who tries to split 2 cars on the highway, no turn signal, then decides to get back into their original lane. 'Holy shit!' you say as you tense up ready to swerve and hit the brakes as you can see the collision about to unfold in front of your eyes. It doesn't, hopefully, and you think 'How many times can this person cheat death?'. That is until you see the missing body panel on the late model Taurus they're driving. Or the wrong color hood. The evidence is in plain site that this person wants to commit vehicular manslaughter, crunch your baby, create a road block,or at the very least disrupt your day. Get your shit together people. But this isn't a rant blog. No need to hear what grinds my gears each week. This blog is light; its about fun.

So, back to what brings me joy. Back to what brings me pleasure. Back to the sweets.

The Bombay Sweets . 

These guys rocked the house at the Turf Club last night as the opening gig. I hadn't been to the Turf Club in awhile, and it recently had a makeover so I was pretty excited to make it out that night. The Sweets have had a reserved place in my heart ever since I saw them once upon a time at the Amsterdam. I had just driven up from Iowa late on a Friday night and my brother was doing a simple show there that I was able to stop by for. I think the Bombay Sweets were after him, don't really remember, but it was love at first listen. It was cold, I had just driven for 4 hours, alone, and was about to snuggle up with a hoppy brew. Before I know it, magic was in the air; this old style guitar twanging with a nice strong beat on the tom toms reminding me of a Tarantino opening. It immediately caught my attention and I snuck in a little closer. It was so cool and fresh to hear an old school type beat with this slightly strained voice floating above it; just two guys, a guitar, and this funky stand up drum set with bedazzled glitter all over it (apparently called a cocktail drum set). They were awesome. I picked up their self titled album, listened to it non-stop on the drive home a few days later, and then threw it on my ipod shortly after. The music is suited for all occasions and times; chilling in the living room, rocking it on a run, short drive to the market or long drive back to loved ones. It was a taste I couldn't get anywhere else, and I looked forward to the next show that never came. Until last night. They had played other shows here and there, but not for awhile and not that I was able to get to. My lady saw the show posted somewhere and asked me if I wanted to go; I ordered 2 tickets right then and placed it on our google calendar. No one changes the google calendar. No one.

 Nate and Jeff may not have known it, but it was our reunion night (creepy); and I was STOKED. The Turf Club looked great, a good crowd was already shuffling in, Jeff's beard was amazing, and the amps were warmed up. The music is loud (we're only 20' away) but not overpowering. Its so smooth you just drink it in (along with your $5 Furious). This is what happiness feels like; my pretty lady at my side, a good brew on the other, and the sweet nostalgic rockin' of an old friend bringing you all in just a little closer. Tap your feet and bob your head; the music is infectious and can't help but put a smile on your face. Unlike many lost loves that don't seem to create the same spark they once did, the Bombay Sweets only strengthened it. And like that juicy burger, that cool brew, and that last embrace, the Bombay Sweets never last long enough. Thank you Jeff and Nate, as it was once again great while it lasted. Unfortunately we weren't able to stay for the Pink Mink or Swami John Reis & The Blind Shake; damn Thursdays. But that night has once again ignited my desire to go see more live local music, and hopefully this time it sticks. I should be able to hold onto this high all weekend, and maybe I can find that old Sweets cd and pop it in my '97 Subie (hell yeah I rock a cd player). You all have a great weekend now, and look for the Bombay Sweets on iTunes, Amazon, or whatever digital venue you prefer; they're there, I checked. Take 'er easy.

Automatic Turn Signals

Enter the 2015 Cadillac Escalade with top of the line V8 engine, 8 speed automatic transmission, back-up camera with multiple sensors, leather seats, magnetic ride control, intelligent headlights, and probably lots of other unnecessary bullshit. The engineers seem pretty hard at work cramming as many features, gizmos, and doodads into the brand new Escalade, and bulking it up as necessary to do so. More room! More shit! is what the people call for, and the Escalade gladly delivers. Of course design has to fit somewhere, but apparently those guys just threw in the towel and handed it over to the engineers. So what did they do? The logical thing; they made a box. 'You can fit all kinds of shit into a box' Senior Engineer Bill tells us. The 2015 Escalade is basically a beefed up hearse. I mean, look at that back end. If that doesn't scream 'put another big box inside of me', then I don't know what does. And this transportation of the deceased (or soon to be) will get you there in style with available 22" rims. Yup, 22 inches; slightly larger than my dick when its taped to a 20" stick. Do you know what size rim the Escalade was released with waaaaaaay back in 1999? 16. Pussy.
I saw one of these behemoths the other day, and although I wasn't much of a fan before, this thing is a joke. Cars are getting bigger and bigger, and they're getting more and more stuff to make your commute as disconnected possible. Rear back up camera? Okay, that makes sense; these things are big and hard to correctly gauge distance when backing up. But what about on a sweet little Honda Fit? Yup, they have 'em too (along with the many other ridiculous and unnecessary options available to every car these days).

'Oh my gosh, what is this wet stuff coming from the sky? Its making my vision through the windshield all blurry; what do I do?!' Its called rain, and you should turn on your windshield wipers. Don't worry if you're in the Escalade though; it has rain sensing windshield wipers so you can continue jawwing on your phone and ignore the seemingly miniature world outside your monstrosity. 'But what happens when that big glowy thing in the sky goes away? How will I get to Starbucks then?' First, its called the Sun. Two, it sounds like its now evening so why do you need coffee? Forgive me, you're probably heading to third shift in your Escalade. Well don't fret cuz there's automatic headlights too when it gets dark out. Which means that during the 'magic hour' called dusk when its misting and kinda difficult to see you'll be as bright as Forrest Gump in his 3rd grade spelling bee. Turns out these Cadillac folks have taken it a step further and have sensors to detect other headlights and taillights. Why? So you can keep your high beams on all the time and it will auto-dim them when other cars are detected. Its called 'Intellibeam'. I really see this not working well in actual practice.

When did we all become so obsessed with not actually driving our cars, but using them as media centers that can also transport us? I love listening to Pandora too; I also like direct steering, precise suspension, changing my own gears, and paying attention while I'm driving so that things like windshield wipers, headlights, and turn signals come on when they're supposed to. Sorry Caddy Club, but no automatic turn signals yet.
The Escalade has hosts of these functions that they tout as 'Safety features' (just like all the other cars and trucks out there), but really it would be more safe if you actually just focused on driving instead of giving the new D'Angelo song a 'thumbs up' on your center console. Hands free devices are great, but really they're just trying to make an unsafe situation slightly safer. Seriously, when was the last time you had 2 hands on the steering wheel anyway?

So next time you're tearing up 169 South and rerouting your GPS to Caribou instead of Starbucks (cuz you're a supporter of local business duh) maybe try and use your turn signal and look out the window once or twice; airbags are super expensive and that Corolla you just took out doesn't weigh 8 metric tons so no matter how many safety features IT has, physics says its not gonna end well. Oh yeah, and one more thing; you're slowing down my fucking commute. My '97 Subaru doesn't have Pandora and the Current is in the middle of a member drive. Fucker. Of course I can always get a bluetooth enabled head unit, but when that second car hit you from behind your airbag was already deflated and your face attempted to marry itself to the leather stitched steering wheel; you lost a tooth in the divorce. That shit's for life.

Now some cats. Take 'er easy.

Chaturanga to Upward Facing Dog

No, I'm not beefing up on my yoga poses (although my lady says I can join her anytime), this is about  the action crashing, mind twisting, face melting, and possibly epileptic episode inducing sci-fi action thriller titled Edge of Tomorrow. The tag line Live, Die, Repeat itself conjures up a variety of thoughts. Immortals maybe? Zombies perhaps? Nope; this is a sci-fi blockbuster and that means only the most cerebral of conundrums will do: time travel. Gun it to 88 Doc.

But time travel isn't enough for these science fiction freaks. There's aliens, super soldier exo suits, Bill Paxton (the only actor to be killed by an Alien, Predator, and Terminator), and oh yeah, a chick with a sword. She's like 'Fuck guns, a big ass anime looking manga sword is all I need'. And its awesome. Oh, is it awesome. This bad ass bitch is played by none other than Emily Blunt. She's played a variety of roles, and has dabbled with some other sweet time traveling sci fi before (Looper anyone?) but this role puts her not only in the front of an action movie but directly in the driver's seat. You see those triceps pop each time Tom Cruise's character meets her, which needless to say is a lot.

Powerful, cool, and maybe just a tad sexy. Okay, pretty sexy. But you can tell this chick doesn't mess around when you see her on the battlefield. Speaking of battlefield, the movie opens with Cruise's character, Cage, getting thrown under the bus and involuntarily receiving a front line spot to the battlefield he's been rallying support for. He was perfectly happy when his support didn't involve pulling a trigger, but the General had other plans. Cage stumbles through his day of training, barely makes it out of the drop ship alive, and bares witness to the alien apocalypse version of Normandy. Freak events occur, Cage dies, and then he ends up reliving the previous 24 hours only to be killed on the battle field again. And again. And again. And again. You get the idea. Its essentially a more bloody, deadly, and alien infused sadistic version of Groundhog Day. Speaking of aliens, these things are gnarly. Heinous beings plucked out of an imaginative child's REM sleep. Actually more like a man's sleep; children shouldn't know these things. The horrific creatures are fast, destructive, carry multiple appendages, eye wincing squeals, have subterranean tendencies, seemingly bullet proof, and generally hunt in packs. You would feel pretty great taking down a single one if only you wouldn't turn to find the other 5 ripping apart your back. Okay, gotta calm down. Gettin' myself all amped talking about it so now I'm gonna have to go out and buy it. Pop it in the PS3, watch, repeat. An easy choice considering how sweet it was the first time, and if by no other merit than it has Exo suits as well. I basically must watch/own almost any movie with them. Love 'em. I LOVE THEM. Off the top of my head I can think of Aliens, Matrix Revolutions, and Avatar; I'm sure there's many more but I'm just too excited to think now. And yes, I have many Exosquad action figures, both from childhood and adult life (they seem so much cheaper as an adult). Anyway, back to Tomorrow. This movie rocks. Acting is solid, characters are cool and have time to be fleshed out and developed. A cool/strange benefit of reliving the same day over and over is that you can have 100s of interactions between characters over similar circumstances without them aging like some kind of crazy montage of character growth. Pretty fun, huh? I give this time bending, alien killing, exo-suit bearing, metaphysical masterpiece an easy 7/7 fox tails. Acting is great, special effects are top notch, story line is fleshed out (especially well for time travel), and its just plain fun. Fun to watch, fun to think about, fun to discuss, and fun to watch. It came out last Summer but you can still find it at many Redbox locations, or even pick it up from your local library for free dizzle (that's what I did). Pop it in. Watch. Repeat.

Big whoop, you wanna fight about it?

Yeah, so I haven't put up a post in awhile. Big whoop, you wanna fight about it? I could blame the holidays; I've been busy. Well, kinda busy. Okay fine, the office wasn't really that busy, but maybe I just didn't have anything to talk about. My mind was too focused on what I was gonna get for Christmas (ME,ME,ME). My lady did get me a pretty sweet Ninja Turtle Chia pet. You grow his shell, or at least you're supposed to. Not much luck yet, but he does sit in a cold office most of the day.

Hopefully I can update you next week with a few sprouts as I leave him over the weekend with no light and no water (its a Chia pet, come on). 

The holidays were actually pretty great; I got a good haul and I had one of the best times ever handing out gifts I picked out for my family. Otherwise I haven't done much anything of note lately. The SoMo men's broomball team has had a rough start with 2 losses (Go SoMo!), but we're really coming together and I feel good about our next 2 games against what appears to be the runt of our little league. Come cheer us on; Mondays at 6pm at Matthew's Park. 

Haven't watched much lately either (or at least something that has enticed me to write a full review), but we did watch 3 Days to Kill the other night and that was pretty fun. Kevin Costner was awesome and the french setting with Euro cars is a nice change of scenery. Too much family crap for me, but it was funny and the action was cool whenever it came up so I give it 4/7 Fox Tails. 

I'm still not fully back into the swing of things yet, so I'll just finish with some pics of someone else's project; a solid axle swapped (SAS) VehiCross that I've been following on vehicross.info. There's not much aftermarket for the VX, and certainly no SAS kit so a lot of work and creative thinking has gone into this beast. Check out all his pics here. Nice work Rado!

Front Pumpkin

New Front Long Travel Shock

Fully locked and ready to ROCK!

Jedi Master you are Not

If you didn't know already, trailers have been released for both Star Wars VII and Jurassic World recently. Both reboots in a sense; Jurassic Park originally hit theaters in 1993 and Star Wars: A New Hope hit us way back in golden '77. Both movies were groundbreaking for their time and can arguably both be labeled as classics that are standing the test of time.

Any who, I'm not going into how cool each one looks. Neither one gives up too much info and just basically excites you (exactly what teasers are supposed to do). We now know that Star Wars will have the Millennium Falcon and Jurassic World will have raptors and other dangerous dinosaurs. No surprise on either of those fronts (hopefully). And I'm not going to dissect the trailers either; there's plenty of other bloggers and vloggers out there to see, and truthfully I don't know enough in-depth Jurassic or Star Wars history and lore to thoughtfully produce an end product that the many fans would be satisfied with. I have seen all films many times; yes even Attack of the Clones and Jurassic Park 3. Many times. There's the lead up; now my piece.
What's the deal people? Can't we each talk about why we like each film? Even though the trailers were released at pretty much the same time, Jurassic World comes out almost 6 months before the war of stars. They're not competing, and this ain't politics. Are we not decent enough people that we can say what we're looking forward to in a film and not what we're NOT looking forward to? When did we all become so negative and pessimistic?
I was going through my regular routine this morning; hit snooze a few times, snuggle, itch my balls, wash my hands, put on disheveled clothes, drink a glass of water, wrap up for the weather, and head out to my trusty 1997 Subie. I cycle through 3 different radio stations currently; I just want to listen to music of some kind so I prefer stations with limited talking and/or commercials. This morning I was on The Current, a public radio station with essentially no commercials but they do have somewhat of a morning show. About to switch to Jack FM or Kool 108 and I hear that they're talking about movies. I like movies. So I decided to listen in for a bit as they were chatting about the 2 aforementioned trailers. Being the classics that they are it was no surprise that they were excited about the new Star Wars trailer. Everyone should be; even the shitty Star Wars movies are still fun (even if George Lucas went crazy with the CGI in the last few films (which are chronologically the first 3 films!)). They are excited about the returning cast and wondering what the tid bits of film in the trailer mean and how it will delight and enchant them. Jurassic World, not so much. Don't know if these 2 weren't fans of the franchise to begin with (one of them is a film critic), but needless to say they were not as impressed with the dino trailer. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but when they start going off on how this new film has the exact same premise and story as the first, I got a little miffed. Does the trailer show dinosaurs in a park? Yes. Do people appear to be killed by said dinosaurs? Yes. They have then drawn the conclusion that it is the same story from those few minutes of footage and through some type of osmosis. Like they have some deep connection with the world and possibly the universe; Midi-chlorians perhaps? Sorry, but Jedi Master you are not. In fact the very conclusions they draw about the plot are quite off base; how do I know? Because I am, in fact, a Jedi.

Okay, fine, I'm not. Nor do I have ESPN or other mind powers. It turns the plot has already been revealed on a number of websites quite some time ago; I found it (with much difficulty) on a little known website. Wikipedia. Check it out; turns out they have all kinds of info there. You can view lots of info on Jurassic World for yourself through a portal on the internet by clicking here. Okay, enough with the sarcasm. A regular ol' DJ I can forgive, but a film critic who had planned on talking about these 2 trailers and didn't even bother to gather the most basic of information about the 2 flicks? Perhaps they should rethink their line of work. I truthfully had not thought much about the trailer until I heard these ridiculously off base comments, so for that I thank you. For those that missed the segment this morning, the peoples on the other end of the wire concluded that since the film shows dinosaurs and a park it is therefore the same as the original Jurassic Park which included dinosaurs and a park. It turns out that in Jurassic World the park has been running successfully for quite some time without any mishaps; in the original it hadn't even opened. Strike one. They then make the claim that Chris Pratt is a fun loving non serious actor with the likes of Parks and Rec and Guardians of the Galaxy under his belt (Guardians available on video Dec 9th). True, but are we really pigeon holing a young actor into only comedy roles? Don't get me wrong, I love his character in both roles as Starlord and Andy Dwyer, but are we overseeing his roles in Zero Dark Thirty or Moneyball? Or any future drama roles for that matter? Its not like Jim Carrey or Adam Sandler ever did anything outside of comedy (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Reign Over Me pop to mind). Strike 2. In this instance they don't actually get 3 strikes because they didn't say much else that I listened to. Lets change this sports reference from baseball to softball this one time; ergo you're out. It also makes me wonder that perhaps these blatant connections are on purpose. The general public is generally misinformed, and those that go to action flicks are not always looking for a deeper understanding or a view into the metaphysical. The truth is that other than a park and dinosaurs, there is no connection to the other films. New cast and characters, new company (in the film that is), and a genetically manipulated dinosaur. Apparently regular dinosaurs weren't dangerous and exotic enough. If this is all so easy to see, then what are they actually hiding? We've got some time to find out.
Jurassic World opens June 12, 2015
Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens opens Dec 18th, 2015

Loss

I usually keep this blog pretty light, but I would like to take a slight departure this week to mourn the loss of one of my former neighbors, Professor Gary Balas. I was informed of a memory book being compiled in his honor, so I decided to write in with a short story of my own. I wanted to type a short excerpt of how Gary had offered me an internship and helped me along my way from college to working in the 'real world'. I truthfully did not expect the amount of emotion that came over me and all the other stories and memories that flooded my head as they started to flood my eyes. I made sure no one saw me choke up in my corner , drank some water, and finished my little story up. I have shared the same email below. You will be missed Gary.

Gary and his family moved into my neighborhood when I was young and I grew up knowing that we had a rocket scientist just down the street, which is definitely one of the coolest things that you can tell your friends. It it a fairly tight knit neighborhood, so everybody knew at least a bit about each person. Through my parents (and some very high pitched alcohol powered engine noises) Gary found out that I played with R/C cars in the neighborhood and we would chat every once in awhile about math and engineering and his autonomous vehicle projects at the U; usually it was at the Balas/Steele hosted soup nights. I went on to study engineering in college at ISU and Gary would ask me each summer if I would intern for him and help out with the model planes some of his other students were working with. Although it wasn't really my field he felt that my R/C knowledge would help and that my engineering studies provided a good base. I turned him down year after year to work at a Boy Scout camp instead each summer, but finally in my last year of school I agreed to be a summer intern. I had shifted my focus from M.E. to Industrial Technology, but I still tinkered with my R/C monster trucks regularly. The projects at the U had also shifted and he asked me to start on a new project based on the supercavitation research being done. Needless to say I jumped on board and got a 4 and half foot long gas powered R/C boat to get started. I almost learned more about project management than I did about engineering or supercavitation that summer (almost), and Gary was a great resource as well as a great teacher and mentor through all of my successes and failures in the short 10 week time. It was a phenomenal experience, I learned more than I ever thought I would, got loads of stories to tell at gatherings from casual to formal, and being my last year of college it was a star in my resume that I always looked forward for people to inquire about. I made sure to catch up with Gary for at least a few minutes each year at the annual 4th of July bash. Always genuinely intrigued and ever supportive, Gary was truly one of a kind, and the most down to earth genius anyone would be blessed to know. 

This message turned into something a bit longer than I intended, and now I feel like I have so much more to say. It turns out Gary was not just the local rocket scientist down the street; he was my friend.

Info about his memorial and memory book can be found here, and local paper's obituary here.