To The West!

Friday once again. Ahhhhhh, isn't it grand? Almost as good as last Friday when I was figuring out the last few details on Western Movie Day. 'What is Western Movie Day?' one may ask themselves, and it is exactly what you want it to be. Or at least what I want it to be (insert menacing devilish laugh). I hadn't been around in awhile to have our regular weekly Sunday evening movie, so I was making up for it by having a movie marathon on a Saturday. And what's more fun than watching movies all day? Having a theme of course, and a goddamn Western theme at that. Whoot! A list of movies was debated via email, and with the help of the internet, we had a list primed to go via Amazon instant video. Of course I couldn't have this just be a bunch of spaghetti westerns, or some classic Duke films; no sir. I had to put some western movies on the list that you hadn't heard of, or never wanted to. Movies like Sukiyaki Western Django, Cowboys and Aliens, and Slow West.
But before I get all crazy about the movies, lets not lose focus. This is a day after all, and that means you'll need some sustenance. Might as well keep the theme rollin', so we have jalapeno cheese cornbread, bbq bacon baked beans, western style burgers (which I'm pretty sure have nothing to do with the actual West), and of course beer and lots and lots of whiskey.

Although Hardees was my inspiration for the Western Burger, we classed it up slightly with some avocado. I want to take this time for a personal shout out to my lady and brother who made the western burger and food situation happen as I was busy with some Bulleit in the basement watching movies. And so, the movies.

I started a bit later than I wanted (just after 3pm), but my good pal Quinn made sure I didn't watch a single movie alone and so I chose Sukiyaki Western Django as his gift. This movie is East meets West quite literally; it claims to be set in Nevada but all the signs and scenery is Japanese. The actors are all Eastern, but they speak English. Its really quite a mix, and of course this classic East meets West can only be brought about by one man; Quentin Tarantino. The only white dude in the film, and a crazy bastard at that. This movie is about as ridiculous as it gets, and therefore right in sync with Tarantino, although neither directed nor produced by him. Every character in this film is damaged; seemingly everyone has a sad back story. Either their father was murdered in front of them, or their mother, or both. 2 different clans have an unending blood feud to boot, and there's a few half breeds thrown in the mix hell bent on vengeance against pretty much everyone. The sheriff's mind is cracked from trying to keep both clans happy, easily identified as the white and the red clans. The sheriff does this just to save his own skin, being the weasel he is, and therefore also nailing one character of the western genre perfectly; the sheriff overrun by a gang and playing the puppet in his own town. Despicable. Everything comes down to one final bloody showdown, and it is bloody. The 2 clans at their wits end, a stranger essentially back from the dead, an assassin come out of retirement, and... a Gatling gun?! Fuck yeah. You really have to see it to believe it, and I give Sukiyaki 5/7 Fox Tails for its over the top storytelling, damaged and struggling characters, and because kitanas, blood, and a goddamn Gatling gun.

My father arrived for the final showdown of Sukiyaki, and then suggested we change it up and go to a classic western for movie number 2. I obliged with The Magnificent Seven. This movie was packed with all the big shot action guys of the day. My father couldn't stop remarking how cool Yul Brynner was, and how awesome and big Charles Bronson was. Steve McQueen, and James Coburn, and a handful of other greats. And this movie is classic; a bunch of rough and tough smooth talking dudes, all with quick hands and fighting for justice. Justice. The story is apparently taken from The Seven Samurai, and has been made over and over a handful of times. Small town overrun by gangster/bastard; they reach out for help with the little pittance that they have. Enter 7 heroes, led by at least a few all stars, and you got yourself a movie that makes you grin from ear to ear. Its as badass as it sounds, and I almost passed out when I saw the line up for the remake coming in 2017: Chris Pratt, Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke. As long as they make it as cheesy and wholesome awesomeness as the original, then I think they'll do just fine. Probably even super fine. For 1960, I give the Seven 6/7 Fox Tails for just the reason I said above; wholesome awesomeness ie a righteous good guy outnumbered by bad guys standing up for whats right kinda awesomeness. Fuck bad people.

A slight break for some food, another shot of whiskey, and a few more people showed up for what they didn't even know was the main attraction; Slow West. This is the Western you haven't heard of because its so new. An indie film that came out this year starring the amazing Michael Fassbender and up and comer Kodi Smit-McPhee.

This was actually the movie that made me decide I wanted to do a Western theme when I saw the trailer a few short weeks ago, and then it turns out that the film went direct to on demand before hitting theaters. Fuck. Yes. So if you're cool like me and watch trailers every other moment that you're not wrenching on cars or downing whiskey, then you know movies like this exist; and then you share them with the world. This movie is the western movie that anti-defines the western movies. The heroes are more anti-hero than hero, everyone is on a hunt for survival, and to be idealistic is to be dead. Our young traveler from Scotland is always caught in situations that he is not prepared for (happens often on the frontier), and if any pointers can be taken from his bounty hunter possibly outlaw guide, Fassbender, its that you shouldn't give a shit about anyone, and always be ready to kill them because that's exactly how they're thinking of you. The movie is riddled with flash backs to the old country to help flesh out our young character, and then we come back to this boy that is just not a man (though he tries). If you wanna be as cool as me, and trust me, you do, then gather a few friends or your mom from the other room and rent Slow West on demand. I give Slow West 6/7 Fox Tails for its ruthless view of the west, good pace, unique characters, and its shots of humor to lighten the otherwise depressing story. You won't come away from this movie with a warm fuzzy, and I believe that's exactly what's intended. 

And now what I thought was to be the second last movie, but turned out to be the last movie. Oh well. If you're gonna go out on western movie day, then you better have Tombstone.

This movie is 7/7 Fox Tails. Easy. Done. I love this movie. LOVE IT. Pretty much anything Doc Holliday says, played by Val Kilmer, is cinematic gold. 'I got 2 guns, one for each of ya'. Pants explosion. 'You're a daisy if you do' ie pushing up daisies ie dead. I just got that! Fuckin great. Rounding it out with Kurt Russell, the fucking awesome Sam Elliot, Bill Paxton, and even some Billy Zane in there. Of course we can't forget the mad man Johnny Ringo played by Michael Biehn, and the Cowboy ringleader played by Powers Boothe. I want to watch this movie again already! The story is classic awesomeness, the acting is great, characters are sweet, bad guys are bad, and good guys are pretty bad too. Just go watch it, cuz I ain't gonna talk about it anymore. 

So a liter of whiskey and many pitchers of beer later, Western Day was a success. I think we'll rest up for a week or two, and then maybe another themed night later this summer. Bond? Aliens? I never did get around to Cowboys and Aliens... Take 'er easy.